Postponing a wedding

Two weeks ago my fiancé and I decided to postpone our wedding.

Why?

A few reasons.  Poor communication habits + being too busy + not seeing each other in two months + lack of family support = both of us feeling unloved, neglected, and discouraged with one another.  Things came to a head when I asked him “are we working anymore?” and he replied with “I was going to ask you the same question.”  We decided we did not want to break up – we love each other and want to be with each other!  So that left working through our issues and taking the time to resolve them.  Which is where postponing the wedding came in.

Honestly, it was a relief when he said “I’m going to go ahead and make the call: we’re postponing the wedding.”  It was a major stress on me and one of the issues I had been wrestling with: was planning a wedding supposed to be miserable?  I never imagined myself being so unhappy as I planned the happiest day of my life.  So I was relieved when he made that decision.  Just to prove what a great guy he is he went on to say “I’ll take care of contacting the church (we’d already booked the date and paid the deposit) so that you don’t have to worry about doing that.”

I didn’t realize how much more there was to do with postponing a wedding.  Everything that had been done now has to be undone.  Well, almost everything.  We had booked honeymoon hotels, blocked off hotel rooms for our wedding guests, had scheduled two wedding showers, booked a reception venue, and had contacted florists and photographers.  It could have been worse – the day we made the decision to postpone was the day the printers called me and said that my proof for the invitations was done, should they go ahead and print 350 of them?

We still do want to get married, hopefully later this year, maybe in the fall (which would be the season when I always wanted to get married anyway!).  I tell people that I’m still going to work on the wedding and when everything is done, we’ll get married.  It’s going to be more the way I want it to be.  I hadn’t realized how much I was trying to make everyone else happy with my wedding, to the point where I wasn’t happy with it at all.

Apparently, it’s also very unusual and brave to postpone a wedding.  Sometimes I think that we really didn’t need to tell anybody, since invitations hadn’t been sent out, so not that many people knew when we were going to get married.  But I think enough people did, so our Facebook announcement was needed.

Postpone Post

What it boils down to is this: Trent and I love each other very much, but we feel like we may have rushed things a little bit.  We want our marriage to be successful and happy and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make the foundation for our marriage as strong and secure as it can be.  We are going to get married.  And we’re going to take our time and get it right.

If you’re in a similar boat, know that you’re not alone.  Above all, do what’s right for you and your relationship, regardless of the cost.  I’m a frugal South Dakotan who probably would have balked at postponing if the invitations had been printed, because then I would have already spent $65 on that specific date.  $65 is not worth it.  $650 is not worth it.  $6,500 is not worth it if you come to the conclusion you’re going to be miserable in the long run.  It’s better to be completely sure and at peace with your decision, regardless of how much money you’ve spent on the wedding or what you think people will think of you.  Turns out, the ones who care enough to comment on it are pretty impressed and supportive.

Postpone Reactions

Have you postponed a wedding?  Thinking about it?  Been witness to someone else postponing a wedding?  Am I forgetting to cancel anything?(I’m slightly paranoid about that)  I’d love to hear your thoughts about it!

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Posted by:anessamarie

4 replies on “Postponing a Wedding

  1. This is an interesting read. As a single person who has come close to marriage, and feeling a similar tension as I read your post, your title might as well have been “Postponing a wedding when it’s just not the right person.” I would caution you to take of the “love goggles” and practice careful, godly examination, because there are a ton of red flags even from reading your post. Ask God for discernment. Seek biblical counsel from family and trusted godly friends. While as Christians we are committed to loving people, be careful to not end up being yoked with the wrong person so to speak. In my previous dating relationship leading to engagement, I refused to break things off saying to myself that we love each other, even in light of blaring red flags; but in God’s sovereign grace and mercy, he completely removed me from a situation I was unwilling to remove myself from for several reasons, staying under the guise and insecurity of “being in love” and things will be better if we do this and that. Spend time in God’s word reading about biblical love, biblical manhood and womanhood, godly sorry and repentance, and what the fruit of a true Christian looks like. No one will be perfect in all of that, but the key is that the person is always pursuing that in the strength and grace of Christ. Moralism and niceness does not equal godliness. Some books that have helped me examine myself and potential spouses are The Bible, “The mingling of souls” by Matt Chandler and Jared Wilson, “The godly man’s picture” by Henry Scougal, and Thomas Watson’s “doctrine of repentance”. Also read “Christ the Perfect husband”, a sermon article by George Whitefield. All the best to you fellow Christian. May God be your strength and guide.

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    1. Thanks for your advice Keith! Isn’t it wonderful how God’s grace and mercy takes care of us – sometimes even protects us from ourselves? There were a ton of red flags – that’s why we postponed. But we also cannot discount all the ways we’ve seen God work to bring us together. There are differences, sure, but all people are different and differences will always be present between men and women, as long as there are foundational commonalities – like both people being committed to a life of following Jesus. We attended a Familylife Weekend to Remember a few weeks ago and through the wisdom presented by the speakers I realized that God has called me to be married, and to be married to Trent. I was convicted that to disobey or ignore that calling would be sin. However, we’re still not quite ready to move forward and set a date, which is fine. We’re still working on making ourselves the best we can be through counseling, study, and prayer. Thank you for your well wishes! I wish you all the best as you navigate this life holding God’s hand!

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