Two weeks ago my fiancé and I decided to postpone our wedding.
A few reasons. Poor communication habits + being too busy + not seeing each other in two months + lack of family support = both of us feeling unloved, neglected, and discouraged with one another. Things came to a head when I asked him “are we working anymore?” and he replied with “I was going to ask you the same question.” We decided we did not want to break up – we love each other and want to be with each other! So that left working through our issues and taking the time to resolve them. Which is where postponing the wedding came in.
Honestly, it was a relief when he said “I’m going to go ahead and make the call: we’re postponing the wedding.” It was a major stress on me and one of the issues I had been wrestling with: was planning a wedding supposed to be miserable? I never imagined myself being so unhappy as I planned the happiest day of my life. So I was relieved when he made that decision. Just to prove what a great guy he is he went on to say “I’ll take care of contacting the church (we’d already booked the date and paid the deposit) so that you don’t have to worry about doing that.”
I didn’t realize how much more there was to do with postponing a wedding. Everything that had been done now has to be undone. Well, almost everything. We had booked honeymoon hotels, blocked off hotel rooms for our wedding guests, had scheduled two wedding showers, booked a reception venue, and had contacted florists and photographers. It could have been worse – the day we made the decision to postpone was the day the printers called me and said that my proof for the invitations was done, should they go ahead and print 350 of them?
We still do want to get married, hopefully later this year, maybe in the fall (which would be the season when I always wanted to get married anyway!). I tell people that I’m still going to work on the wedding and when everything is done, we’ll get married. It’s going to be more the way I want it to be. I hadn’t realized how much I was trying to make everyone else happy with my wedding, to the point where I wasn’t happy with it at all.
Apparently, it’s also very unusual and brave to postpone a wedding. Sometimes I think that we really didn’t need to tell anybody, since invitations hadn’t been sent out, so not that many people knew when we were going to get married. But I think enough people did, so our Facebook announcement was needed.
What it boils down to is this: Trent and I love each other very much, but we feel like we may have rushed things a little bit. We want our marriage to be successful and happy and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make the foundation for our marriage as strong and secure as it can be. We are going to get married. And we’re going to take our time and get it right.
If you’re in a similar boat, know that you’re not alone. Above all, do what’s right for you and your relationship, regardless of the cost. I’m a frugal South Dakotan who probably would have balked at postponing if the invitations had been printed, because then I would have already spent $65 on that specific date. $65 is not worth it. $650 is not worth it. $6,500 is not worth it if you come to the conclusion you’re going to be miserable in the long run. It’s better to be completely sure and at peace with your decision, regardless of how much money you’ve spent on the wedding or what you think people will think of you. Turns out, the ones who care enough to comment on it are pretty impressed and supportive.
Have you postponed a wedding? Thinking about it? Been witness to someone else postponing a wedding? Am I forgetting to cancel anything?(I’m slightly paranoid about that) I’d love to hear your thoughts about it!