Hey you! It’s been a while! How have you been?
Me? Oh, thanks for asking! I’ve been good. I feel like I’m at a DA meeting (no, not Dumbledore’s Army – Depressed Anonymous). “Hi, I’m Anessa, it has now been 10 days since I last went down.” Seriously – ten days of not being depressed at all!!! I haven’t felt this good in decades! We are one week away from my complete reevaluation by my doctor and honestly, I’m excited about it. I can’t wait to see how the numbers have all changed in the past six weeks. I am still dealing with a few health issues, but it’ll be alright.
I’ve even been able to do things that would take me down before. Like, watch certain shows. I just finished the latest season of Great British Baking Show, so I was trying to figure out what to watch next. I love Call the Midwife, and I tried watching it shortly after the break up and I just couldn’t. If you know anything about the show, you know it’s all about babies and the lives of the women who help deliver them, including their love lives. It brought me down the last time I tried watching it because I wanted love and babies so badly. I watched it last night, starting with new episodes I hadn’t seen before, and I loved it again! In the first two episodes I watched yesterday, several of the main characters went on a mission trip to South Africa and two of the main characters got engaged. Honestly, it made me more want to go on a mission trip again, like back to Cambodia or India, then to get engaged again. And I was happy for the fictional characters who got engaged – and it was even between a pastor and one of the midwives. (If I just spoiled it for you, oh come on – like you couldn’t see that one coming a mile away?) I may have binged on it slightly and it’s pretty much all I want to do today. It won’t be what I get to do today, but I may be able to slip an episode in here or there. Before you ask, yes, I do also watch some American television, but I really prefer British. I am looking forward to the return of This is Us next week. I’ll probably have to stream it after it airs, but I’m still excited about it. Do you watch it? We can squee about it together. My family is not into it at all, it was something that he and I always watched together. So, we’ll see how that goes.
In other news, a really cute guy came into the library yesterday. It made me kind of sad. You know I was single for ten years. I was always looking, wondering, about every man without a ring on his finger. It was exhausting, honestly. And I’ve always had trouble talking to men. I get all flustered and nervous. When I was dating/engaged, I didn’t have to wonder or look, I didn’t get flustered because it didn’t matter – I was taken. I loved being taken. I loved knowing that I didn’t have to look or wonder anymore. I could talk to men easily because it didn’t matter. Now it matters again, when I thought I’d never have to worry about the search again. Dumb. I do feel more at peace about finding a relationship than I did for the last 10 years though. I don’t feel like it’s all on me to find someone – it’s on God. I know that it will be good, and it will be in His timing. I have been asking Him to prepare my heart for whoever He has for me and when my heart stirred curiously yesterday I was a bit surprised, if I’m honest. I don’t think my heart is ready yet, but if God says it is then it is. Nothing happened with the guy yesterday, but still, interesting. I have completely given up hope of reunification with my ex. I consider it to be more impossible now than ever, because…
I GOT A NEW JOB!!! (I was saving the biggest news for last.) So, like two months ago I applied for this job at the urging of my mentor. I did so kicking and screaming, feeling like doing so was a defeat of my hope, because it would mean that I am tied to this geographical location even more. God was gracious with me though, and told me to take a nap after I filled out the application and then sat and cried about it for an hour. It was a good nap, and a nap that renewed my hope that God was working. Fast forward three weeks: I hadn’t heard anything. I know many people who work at this company, so I contacted one I feel particularly close to and asked her about my application. She said she’d check on it for me and then got back to me and told me I should probably pull some networking strings. I did, again, very reluctantly. Fast forward another three weeks: last Thursday I got a call from a department manager at the company: when could I come in for an interview? Tuesday, I said. Tuesday finally came and I was nervous as all get out. The interview wasn’t really an interview though, it was more like “this is what the job is, do you think you can do it, do you want it?” I was offered the job on the spot and I eagerly accepted it then and there, mostly because of my finances, if I’m honest.
Guys, getting better is expensive! Shortly after I began fighting depression I realized that my income from the library would not be sufficient for my accruing expenses. I asked my mentor “Does depression constitute an emergency? Can I dip into my emergency savings account?” She said, “YES, you silly girl!” So I’ve used up about half of my emergency savings account to pay my bills. I knew it wasn’t sustainable, but I’ve been trusting God to provide, and I would say that He definitely has. I’m getting an immediate 38% increase in my hourly wage (thank you, my brother, for being good with numbers and figuring that out for me), and I have been assured there will be overtime, which is the standard time-and-a-half wage. There are very good benefits, and to me it’s not that the benefits are very good, it’s more like, benefits! I’ve never had benefits before. So honestly, I don’t understand how good they are. I’m planning on asking HR a LOT of questions. I start at my new job October 2nd. I am a bit nervous, I know life is going to change substantially, but I am looking forward to finally finding a firm financial foundation. I’ve never been financially secure. I always said I wasn’t in life for the money, and I’m still not. But I feel like I’ve had enough of being hampered and limited by my lack of money, and that working a full time job will not be a bad thing (I’m going to be tucked away in an office and the only people I will probably have to interact with will be my coworkers. I think my introversion can handle 8+ hours of that a day).
Oh, I guess I didn’t save the biggest news for last. You may have wondered what I’ve been up to writing-wise in the past two weeks since new posts became scarce on here. I wrote a book! It’s a short book, which is on purpose. I want it to be something everybody can be like “oh, that’s just a little thing! I can read that much!” So, be watching for it in bookstores next year! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. JK. I just finished the rough draft yesterday, and now my mentor and I are going to rip it apart and put it back together better (hmm, kind of like God is doing with me!). Then I’ll ask many friends and acquaintances to read it and give feedback, there will be much more tweaking, THEN I’ll send it around to agents. After many, many, rejection letters I may just win the agent lottery and find someone willing to represent it. Then they’ll shop it around to publishers and again, the odds are almost as good as playing the lottery that a publisher will be willing to publish it. THEN I may be able to announce a release date and we can all party. I’ve tried to get books published before and it’s fairly brutal. Most authors anymore go the self-publishing route, but I shy away from that. I know there are fantastic self-published books out there (I own a few) but overall the quality is still so much better from a traditional publishing house. I live by the verse “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:23-24) I read it every morning. I want what I do to be worthy of God’s approval, i.e., the best it can be. So I’ll go through the extra work of being traditionally published to make sure it is the best it can be.
So yep, that’s life nowadays in a nutshell. I have other blog post ideas and since I’m no longer waking up insanely early to pour all my writing creativity into a book, you may see more posts pop up on your newsfeed (if you follow me on Facebook, which you totally should!).
What have you been up to lately?