Have I told you how wise my mentor is lately? No? Well, she’s super wise and has really good insights. Do you have a mentor yet (I told you to get one like, what, five blog posts ago)? No? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?!? GO GET ONE!
I’m in between jobs right now. This is the long weekend where I don’t work at the library anymore but I haven’t started at my new job yet. I’m pretty sure I know what it will entail, but I’m not sure enough that I’m like “oh yeah, I got this.” I’m very excited about it. I’m just not there yet.
In my last post I wrote about not wanting to pray the prayer God told me to pray months ago (for Trent and I to get back together). I had been doing so good at not thinking about him, not reliving memories, not imagining us together, all that. I felt like great progress towards getting over him was being made. I’ve been praying that prayer again (even though I really don’t think it’s going to happen and I don’t necessarily want it to happen), I’m not shoving away the memories or thoughts as soon as they cross my mind, and I’ve been feeling much more at peace. Hmm. I don’t feel like progress towards me moving on to a new relationship is being made, I don’t feel like progress toward that prayer being answered is being made. I’m in between.
This morning I went to a baby shower for a dear friend of mine. It was fun! The old me hated baby showers and wedding showers. I’d go if I had to, but I’d pout pretty much the whole time. Today was good. The shift in my thinking has been mostly because of this article I read a few months ago. It really stuck with me and helped me to feel the way I believe God wants me to feel when I see other people get the blessings I want. Not being depressed really helps with that too. I no longer believe the lie that I will never get to be celebrated like that. I still wish it would be sooner rather than later is all.
So I expressed how “in-between” I feel to my mentor and she replied with this:
A little refresher on the story of Noah:
Noah lived a long time ago, during a time when most men did whatever they wanted to do, there was no standard of laws or rules, and things were pretty bad. So bad in fact, that although humanity was relatively new, God was like “Let’s start over.” But Noah found favor in God’s eyes, so God picked him to step out in faith, build an ark, and repopulate the earth after the flood. Noah spent a long time building this ark. Then God brought two of every kind of animal to him and Noah loaded them up, along with enough food to last them a really long time, and Noah’s wife, three sons, and their wives. God shut the door of the ark, and opened the floodgates of heaven. Humanity, except for the eight people aboard the ark, was wiped out. It says it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, and the entire earth was flooded for 150 days. Genesis 8:1 says “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and He sent a wind over the earth and the waters receded.” The storm was over, the rain had ceased. But Noah and his animals just kept floating. The water receded for another 150 days, then the ark came to rest in the Ararat Mountains. Then after 40 days of just sitting there, Noah opened a window and sent out a raven to check things out. The raven just kept flying around because it couldn’t find a place to land. Noah sent a dove out three times, each time a week apart. The third time the dove didn’t come back to him, so Noah figured that it had found a place to land. Then he waited another month and a half before God said “Come out of the ark.”
Back to my conversation with my mentor:
God is working even in the in-between times. It’s not big dramatic workings, just small faithful ones. He has seen me through the storm, but I haven’t gotten my rainbow yet:
And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” (Genesis 9:12-16)
I’m still waiting on a sign that God remembers me and the promises He has made to me. I’m still in the ark. But He remembers me there too and I am not alone – there are a lot of wild animals here too! Just kidding, my zoo isn’t very wild :). God is with me no matter what happens or how long it takes for the rainbow to come. I am thankful for His peace, His provision, His guidance, and all the little ways He shows His love to me.