Greetings! And welcome to your Not Your Normal Life’s Weekend Update, Tuesday Edition (that I’m going to post on Wednesday)!
That’s because I’ve been so busy lately! Like seriously, right now I should be in bed. But instead I’m writing to you, my beloved faithful blog followers.
Things that have happened lately:
I joined a Pilates class.
I’m learning how much fun work deadlines are. (Sarcasm alert!)
I’ve gone down twice.
I’ve recovered twice.
I’ve met with a quest couple.
God has upped the difficulty level of things He’s telling me to do.
So, details! Hm, let’s start with the quest couple. I met with them on Friday. I went down Thursday night/Friday morning, which sucked. I follow Family Life pretty religiously on Facebook and they posted an article Thursday night about being single, and I thought “well, this applies to me now” so I clicked on it and burst into tears. I read it, through my tears, thinking “I hate that this applies to me again. I hate being single.” Then I had nightmares all night, which are a sure sign for me of spiritual warfare. The devil hates me to get a good, peaceful night’s sleep. I know, God wakes me up early a lot too, but He’s nice about it because when He does He gives me enough energy to get through the day – more than enough actually – and the peace He gives is the best thing ever. The devil just siphons energy and replaces it with fear and anxiety. So anyway, I cried all the way to work Friday morning, super low, hoping that I wouldn’t cry constantly at lunch. Being busy at work helped, so by the time we met at the restaurant for lunch, I was emotionally stable enough to only cry maybe 15-20% of the time. I was excited to meet with a quest couple again! I love quest meetings; I am always so blessed by them.
This quest meeting was no exception. They listened, they agreed to pray, and we had a fun conversation about Pilates. I mentioned that I wanted to try Pilates and they burst out laughing. They explained that the gentleman of the couple had taken a Pilates class years before when they lived in another state. He said “I was in this class with experts, so they just put me in a corner where I could flail around without hurting anyone. But, I’ve never felt as good as when I was doing Pilates.”
Later that day I was scrolling Facebook when I noticed a friend of mine had liked a status from a gym in town advertising a Pilates class. I went to it Monday night.
Oh friends, the agony. I posted about it on Facebook and one of my friends replied:
So true. I have been sore-sick all day today. You know sore-sickness? The kind where it hurts to breathe? You feel nauseous all day, but you’re not sure if you’re actually going to throw up, but you don’t want to eat anything just in case you do actually throw up, but you know if you don’t eat you’re not going to feel better because you need more iron then you’re currently getting (curse you, chronic low-grade anemia!)? No? Just me? Alrighty then…
I know, I need to up my iron intake especially on Mondays, when Pilates class is. I’m going to go again next Monday. Hopefully my abs have stopped screaming at me by then and I’m not going to try to keep up with the instructor. I’ll gladly be the class wimp but I’m not going to give up.
I still have the occasional dream about Trent. I know, that wasn’t in the list of highlights, you get a bonus item, lucky you. You wanna know something weird in all of the Trent dreams lately? He won’t look at me. I dreamed about going to a concert with him and his family and I had a wonderful time with his mom and sister, even sat next to Trent, held his hand, rested my head on his shoulder, but he never once looked at me. In the latest dream, which was super weird, he proposed to me again – but he still wouldn’t look at me. I woke up from that dream happy and sad at the same time and talked to God about it. I think I know why he won’t look at me in my dreams, and I’m alright with it. I’m good with taking time.
God is working on other areas of my life, in some of the most deepest and long-lasting hurts. Isn’t it so sadly true that sometimes the people you love the most are the people who cause the most pain? Yes, it involved my family, but since they don’t really like me posting so much about me on here, I’ll refrain from sharing the details. Suffice to say, God told me to address an area of bitterness and hurt regarding a family member. Honestly, I liked holding onto my bitterness, I felt like it protected me from more potential hurt, not realizing that it itself was hurting me far worse than any external action by another person. I struggled releasing it. I told God it didn’t matter. He said it mattered to Him. Fear tried to take over, tell me that no matter what I did the issue couldn’t be resolved. I went down. Tried to make myself believe the lie that I didn’t need to address this issue, that I could stay the way I am – because you know some people are called to be single and maybe I’ve been fighting that call my whole life and I just need to give in and accept that I will never get married (BIG FAT LIE, probably – but it was a mentally miserable 20 minutes that I tried really hard to make my soul accept that lie. My soul was having none of it). Challenging conversations with my mentor and my youngest brother alternately made me mad that I had to be the one to change and made me realize the absolute necessity of resolving my bitterness so I can move on. I did it. I had the conversation I didn’t want to have. Are we besties now? Nope. Do we have to be? Not necessarily, although it would be nice to be better friends. Do I feel better? Oh yeah. God was right. My mentor was right. My brother was right.
And work. Ah, work. I do really like what I’m doing. When I know what I’m doing and if I’m doing it right. It seems like every new map they bring us to do has different standards, and there are always exceptions to everything. It’s like the i-before-e rule (if you want to just listen to that part, it’s from 0:58-1:32ish, but the whole thing is funny):
And now we have a deadline. My first ever work deadline. That adds a whole new level of stress and tension to Optimus. (Oh, I found out that our room is called Optimus because our two windows overlook the building’s transformers. I think it’s awesome.) So, who’s up for overtime?!? Not me, because I’m staying up too late writing this blog post instead of getting to bed early so I can get up insanely early to get to work because my brain functions much better in the morning than late at night, obvs.
Yeah, I’m going to wait until morning to post this, I’d better get to bed now.
Thanks for reading 🙂