I’ve been feeling like I should write a blog post all year. Yeah, I know. That’s just over a month. But I am SO BUSY.
Which is a big fat lie. I am not too busy to rewatch my favorite tv shows or play computer games or spend time with my family or anything else I find to in my spare time. Writing a post is kind of like the pile of my niece’s toys that’s been sitting on my bedroom floor for two weeks that I just haven’t gotten around to putting away. It’s there, I know it should be done, but I just don’t do it.
Apparently procrastination can be a symptom of depression. Shocker. I don’t feel down. I think I’m dealing with a bit of SAD. The sun was shining yesterday so I took a picture to remember what it looks like for the next three-four week stretch of clouds.
I feel slightly prickly and like everything is a lot of work and no matter how much I sleep it just isn’t enough. My doctor did increase my anti-anxiety and anti-depressants in December. I need to ask him if he thinks the amount will ever decrease, or if I’ll just have to keep taking more and more. I hope it’s the latter. Maybe once the sun comes out (tomorrow?) and the job slows down (in July?) I won’t need to be quite as reliant on pills. Until then, I am very grateful they are working for me and I will take them as the doctor orders.
Alright, enough depressing stuff! Life update!*
*Which is really code for my seemingly favorite topic: my love life, or lack thereof. If you know me in real life I promise I don’t harp on it this much.
My boyfriend and I broke up. Ok, I know it sounds bad and depressing, but it’s not. We mutually broke up on New Year’s Eve. Honestly, best break up I’ve ever had. He started by laying out all the reasons why he didn’t think we would work and I agreed with them, and we agreed to be just friends. I’ve been on one date set up by an algorithm since then (yes, online dating) and while it wasn’t horrible, it just wasn’t right.
I really don’t like online dating. I’ve never liked it. While I’ve mostly gotten over the skin-crawling feeling that plagued my first decade of online dating, it still just feels wrong to me. I know of many couples that met online and are doing marvelously well. So I know that it can work. I’m just not convinced that it will work for me. Maybe I’m bad at writing profiles or something (I did put that I have dysthemic depression on one profile – too soon you think?) but I seem to attract the weird ones. The guy I met for coffee last week said that there are weird girls too. He was really nice and we did match on many different levels, but I had a check in my spirit saying that he just wasn’t the right one. I have three deal breakers, and there was one thing about him that broke the deal.
They’re not super picky deal breakers – I used to have a 10 item list that my ideal mate had to meet to qualify for a second look. It’s down to three now. My ideal mate must:
- Love God
- Want kids
- Be open to the idea of living in the country (doesn’t necessarily have to live in the country, just be willing to, because that’s where I really want to live).
That’s it. There are many other things that would make a guy more attractive to me, but I’ve narrowed it down to those three “musts”.
Confession time: I don’t think I would mind being set up by humans, rather than an algorithm. If someone who knew me and cared about me took the time to think through the list of single men they knew and came up with one or two and was like “huh, maybe they’d be right for Anessa. I think I’ll invite them both over for supper and see if they hit it off” I would be thrilled. First, because my love language is quality time and even just knowing that somebody is taking time to think about me makes me happy. And second, because when TM and I first announced our relationship to our church, a wonderful sweet lady came up to me and gave me a hug and said “oh, I’ve been praying for this for you for years!” I had no idea that she was doing that (and probably still is, given my circumstances). I almost cried I was so touched. I really appreciate prayers any time and all the time. I myself talk to God quite a bit about this subject, among other things. But I would also appreciate action. So, if you’re one of the incredibly wonderful people praying for me, go through your contact list and see if there is anyone on that list that matches those three criteria I’ve listed above. If there is, I’m good for supper almost any Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday evening – I work those days, so I’d already be in town. Or, if it’s someone you’re really excited about for me, I’d make a special trip into town another evening. Yep, I’d be willing to go that distance, just to potentially make a relationship happen.
Otherwise, life is pretty good. Job is busy, demanding, fulfilling, all that jazz. Family is doing great.
Alright, good talk, yeah? And break!